avenue C is for Cool Cherry Chapstick
(a lesson questioned in alphabet city)


CABBIE: why do you do that?

ME: do what?

CABBIE: put on chapstick.

ME: because... it keeps my lips from getting chapped. being dry.

CABBIE: but i do not understand. why are your lips dry?

ME: sometimes just when it's cold out or...

CABBIE: me, my lips are NEVER ever dry. never.
that's why i do not understand.
i see people use this chapppppp stick and it makes no sense to me.

ME: well, um, you're lucky. that's great.

CABBIE: all day i am drinking the water. i think this is why.
do you know how much water i drink in one day?
ask me how much water i drink. go on. ask me.

ME: how much water do you drink?

CABBIE: sometimes 5 glasses of water in one day! and sometimes a glass of juice. and a glass of milk. you see? this is why i do not have dry lips. all people should drink so much as me. and then no one would ever need to use the chappppp stick anymore.